Unsettled in my Settling: Ready for More, Scared to Jump

There have been countless times when I have been comfortable in something, a job, a relationship, a routine, only to feel a tug at my heart, a whisper that says, "There is more for you." It's a strange feeling, isn't it? Knowing you are meant for more but being so content where you are. It's like lying in a king-size bed surrounded by oversized pillows on a rainy day – so comfortable, yet you know you don't want that weather or condition everyday for the rest of your life.

We all have big dreams, aspirations, and things we see for ourselves. These unsubsiding desires, the ones that keep us up at night or linger in our thoughts during the day, they must mean something. There has to be a reason they have been placed on our hearts, a purpose waiting to be fulfilled.

But on the other hand of these big dreams, is complacency. It's easy to stay where we are, in our comfort zones, where everything feels safe and familiar. Although we know that growth, progress, and fulfillment often lie beyond those boundaries. We fear the unknown that could also be a result of leaving the familiarity zone, failure, rejection, or simply not meeting the expectations we set for ourselves. Stepping out of our comfort zones is daunting, but it's where we find the courage to chase our dreams, to pursue what sets our souls on fire.

Something I have learned though, is that when you ignore that tugging feeling of wanting more, push it to the side whether it be because of laziness, fear of failure, or scared to embark on the unknown... God can and will put your back against the wall and force you to do just that. I've seen it happen a countless number of times.

My high school boyfriend, I knew he wasn't good enough for me. I knew I was settling, but he made me laugh and it was better than being alone right? Wrong. God, took me out of that so quick, and exposed his cheating to me 3 days before I left for college.

When I first moved to Los Angeles, I was hanging out with people who didn't sit well with my spirit because they were able to introduce me to great experiences. What does God do? He puts me in a situation that I couldn't ignore to get me away from them, and for good!

My first big girl job? I hated that job SO much but the money was great. I just kept telling myself, after this next commission check, I'll start looking elsewhere, but one more always became one more again. And what did God do? He had them fire me. And what was the reason you ask? Because "they knew my heart wasn't in to it and they felt I would be happier elsewhere."

You know what the most amazing part about all of these stories though? Is how I settled, was forced out of my settling, and came full circle into a better situation. I was able to enter college as a freshman, single and Fuck N*** Free. My solitude in Los Angeles, and not sticking around people who didn't have my best interest allowed me to meet people who did, who were truly on my team, for the right reasons. And my first big girl job? Where I was staying because of the money, but dealing with deep depression from the toxic work culture, and the mundane job functionality... God took it from me. And gave me another job that was a complete 360.

But as I get older, and reflect on these situations. It's time I move smarter. I appreciate God and his guidance, but I'm sure he is tired of having to force me out of position so I can get into position. I want to take initiative. I want to be bold, fearless. I want to chose my life, and not have settled for it... And I'm going to.

So for all the girls who are ready for more, let's embrace the discomfort, the uncertainty, and the unknown. Let's dare to dream big and pursue those dreams with unwavering determination. Because deep down, we know that we are meant for more than just comfort, especially when it's laced with discomfort– we are meant for greatness.