Gourmet Breadcrumbs: The Allure of Barely There Affections
Romanticizing a man had me thinking the figurative breadcrumbs he spoon fed me tasted like a 5 course dinner at Nobu. As women, we all have a list. Whether we have taken the time to write it down, or it just floats in our head, we know what we want (at least we think). Whether it be a man who exudes confidence and ambition, a generous soul who enjoys treating their partner, or someone who deeply connects with you like never before... there are qualities and experiences that we desire. So why is it that when we run into a man who has one or two things on the list, mixed with a dash of knowing how to sell a dream like it’s 50% off on Black Friday, do we get to buying immediately?… The answer is potential.
The potential of a man will have us sprung harder than the actual man. It goes something like this. We meet him, we like the way he talks, maybe we like the way he walks too. He knows how to formulate his words to match the image of the man we visualize in our mind. Only as the relationship progresses, we begin to realize that the words that come out of his mouth seldom match up to the actions that are carried out. But why not? Is it us? He was so great in the beginning. He fit the mold of the guy we wanted. Maybe if we just… wait it out it’ll be better. Maybe if we just show him how amazing we are, it’ll change. Maybe he’s just going through something. Or maybe? Just maybe babe… And don’t hate me for this. Maybe they are just not that into us.
Men are hunters. They know how to go after the things they want in life. They know how to text back. They know how to plan a date. They know how to make time in their busy schedules for the woman they truly want. And 9 times out of 10, they showed us that at some point in our encounter. The craziest thing about breadcrumbs is that when we like someone who isn’t showing up for us in the way our heart desires, we cling on to them. The littlest things make our heart jump, because we just want it to work so bad. But why though? It’s desperation. We take the love we can get because we are scared that we may never get it again. But one thing I have learned about radiating from a desperate energy: When you play stupid games you win stupid prizes.
If we settle for breadcrumbs, if we smile, and swoon over tiny gestures that ultimately amount for nothing… why would he ever pull out the Porterhouse 20z Medium well steak? What’s the motivation? Sometimes it feels like having a piece of a man is better than having no man at all. But the hard reality, is that as long as you except pieces, you will only be worthy of pieces. We have to deep clean the rose covered glasses and begin to look at the breadcrumbs, the half ass energy, the love that has been built on delusion, as what they truly are and not what we want them to be. It’s not until we look in the mirror and say that despite what a man brings to the table, we as the women, and everything we bring to the table (lipgloss and some hand sanitizer to be exact) deserve to be catered to in the FULL way we desire, and not the half way they desires to show us. No more settling for less, in hopes that it will be more. If he wanted to, he would. And they don't because we are showing them, that having them is enough to have us, despite how they show up.
So for all the girls who, are tired of the breadcrumbs... Repeat after me. I am not going to let a situation that depletes me, block me from the man that can complete me. I am the prize, and until a man wants to put the biggest ribbon on me, and show me that… he can keep his breadcrumbs… because they weren’t filling enough anyway.
