Sisterhood Unfiltered: The Advice We Take and Most Times Disregard
I love my homegirls. My friends are my safe space and always have been. Having friends who show up for you mentally and emotionally is such an underated blessing. I know that regardless of the hurdle or obstacle in my life, my girls got me. Whether it be the first in line to wipe my tears or buss out some car windows, no task is to daunting for this sisterhood.
Recently, I found myself in a predicament however. My friends are my soundboard, and have been for the greater half of my life. A few weeks ago, I was sharing with them a situation between myself and a man that wasn't... ideal. And as I was sharing, they all had their opinions, advice, and their own emotions that were strictly derived from just hearing the friend that they loved so immensely going through something so difficult at the hands of another person. Sharing my struggles always made me feel better. They validated my feelings and supported me in my decision to end this relationship and move on.
Only, a few more weeks had past, and things had changed. My feelings had changed. I had felt so firm in my conviction initially that as time went on and conversations with the man began to resurface, I realized that I wasn't just ready to throw in the towel and end things. We were at the beginning of our connection and this was our first major road bump after months of cupcakes and rainbows. It had been a major pattern for me to leave a relationship at the first sign of distress... It was always easier that way. Only this time, it didn't feel easier at all. I had found someone that not only checked all my boxes but made the concerted effort and choice to show up for me everyday good or bad.
My head was telling me to run, but my heart was telling me that it wasn't time to flee. As I started to re-enter the "working on us" stage, I D R E A D E D telling my friends. I had spent days telling them I was done and would not tolerate the situation I had been put in. I was, for lack of better words, STANDING ON BUSINESS. I didn't want them to be disapointed in me for backtracking. So, I didn't tell them. I just kept acting as if everything was fine. Until one day, I caved.. What was I so afraid of?
It was what my best friend ended up telling me that truly changed my perspective. She said: "Girl, we love you. We are all out here trying to figure it out. With life, with men, with friendships, with our careers, with ourselves. We could tell you a million things to do... In the end, you have to do what makes you happy, and anyone who loves you, just has to support that."
This was so important for me to hear for a few reasons. Our friends love us and often see us in ways we don't see ourselves. The counsel they give reflects that love and perspective. But in life, someone telling you the fire is hot isn't always enough to stop you from touching it. Sometimes, we need to feel the burn ourselves to learn and grow from the experience. As friends, as women, and as humans, we must respect that reality. We've all been there, needing to figure things out for ourselves, and that's okay. True growth often comes from our own experiences, even if they involve a bit of pain along the way.
Friendships that allow you to flourish in your decision-making without judgment are essential. It's not always easy to be the friend who can offer support, advice, and still be okay when the other person doesn't take it. I've worn both hats: the friend receiving advice and the one giving it. I used to feel deeply disappointed when friends didn't follow what we agreed was the best plan. But this year, I had a revelation. Our role as friends isn't to be life coaches or therapists; it's to simply be friends.
You can offer advice, share your perspective, and tell someone a million times what you think they should do, but true friendship means giving them the space to live and grow through their own choices and mistakes. It's about standing by their side, no matter what, and offering unwavering support. Because at the end of the day, a friend isn't there to dictate their path but to walk alongside them, providing love and understanding in every decision they make.
So for all the girls who look to their friends for solace, understand that real friendship is about giving support and love, even when your advice isn't taken. Our friends' guidance stems from genuine concern, but in the end, you must follow the path that brings you joy. True friends will stay with you through all your choices, offering constant support and compassion
