Surrendering Control: The Let Them Theory

Is it just me, or do we sometimes end up disappointed because we expect others to act how we would?

I'll just be honest, I have my control freakish tendencies. I don't know if I should chalk it up to my Earth placements (Sun and Moon, and Virgo Rising), or just the fact that I'm literally just a girl who wants things the way she pictures them. I can't be alone in saying, I often feel a strong urge to take control of my life, curating every small detail to fit the carefully crafted narrative of the future I've envisioned, even if it means trying to fit square pegs into round holes. And the thing about it- for the most part, I would say this controlling tendency has been pivotal to my success thus far. But, It's one thing to do with your career, your goals, or your schedule. These things that mainly affect you, and that are indicative of the time and effort YOU put in to the life that you see for yourself. It's powerful, it's dedication. I deserve to have a vision for myself that I'm actively working towards achieving. In an essence, the only control you truly have over your life is your own.

But what about the way in which I try to control the people around me? When I came across this theory, I was in a place of yearning. Yearning for my life to look a certain way, yearning to be treated a certain way by the people that I had placed on pedestals, yearning for people to show up for me the way it made sense in my mind. But my yearning quickly came to a cease when I came across two words that changed my entire perspective: Let Them.

It's true, we can control the way in which we show up for ourselves, our goals, and others. But no matter how much we wish, imagine, and hope, we cannot control the way others show up in our lives. But the power in the Let Them theory, is that we shouldn't even want to. There's so much power in releasing control and letting people do what they want to do. I am at a place where I am learning to let the people in my life do what they want to do, so it can become clear to me what they'd rather do. It goes back to a phrase as old as time: "If they wanted to, they would." But something that I have learned recently, which isn't as easily digestable, is that even if they want to, sometimes they just... can't. I had to learn... and I grasp my pearls as I say this... Not everything is about me....? Sometimes people not showing up in the way that I desire, has nothing to do with me, and everything to do with them and where they are in their life in a specific time. And on the flip side, sometimes I'm just not that important to somebody, and that is fine too. There are people in my life who love me and show up for me exactly how I need. But here’s the thing—I found myself so fixated on the people who don’t, trying to wrap my head around what’s stopping them, that I was overlooking the very people who never make me question their presence. It’s easy to get caught up in wanting things to be a certain way with the ones who can’t—or won’t—give us what we need. But in doing that, I lost sight of the ones who are already showing up, who love me the way I deserve.

I decided to release control, take a step back, and let people make choices for themselves with none of my guidance. It's important to see where people's priorities lie when you take your hand out of the pot.

The let them theory is applicable in so many different scenerios, in life. My friends making plans without me? I let them. The person I desire romantically not being consistent? I let them. Someone not appreciating my efforts? I let them. Facing criticism for my choices? I let them. Your friend constantly making bad decisions, despite your good advice? I let them. I'm letting people do what they want. The only person I can control is me.

Please do not misunderstand me, The Let Them Theory does not equate to letting people walk all over you. Instead, it's a way to discern the authenticity of others. It allows you to observe how people show up when there's no coercion or external pressure, revealing their true selves. This approach can help you nurture relationships with those who align with your values and intentions, while gracefully letting go of those who do not. It is mentally and emotionally draining to teach people how to treat you.

Setting boundaries is a crucial aspect of the "let them" theory. It's about respecting yourself enough to know what you deserve and what you won't tolerate. It's about communicating your needs and expectations clearly, but also understanding that you can't force someone to meet them-- so when they don't you don't force them to, you simply let them.

When you practice the "let them" theory, you're also practicing self-respect. You're saying to yourself and others that you value yourself enough to let go of trying to control everything and everyone around you. You're allowing yourself to be free from the burden of constantly trying to change people or situations to fit your ideal vision.

In essence, the "let them" theory is about finding a balance between advocating for yourself and letting go of the need to control. It's about recognizing that you can't change others, but you can change how you respond to them. By letting go of control and focusing on what you can control, you're taking ownership of your life and your happiness.

Through the "let them" approach, we learn to set boundaries, respect ourselves, and accept others for who they are. We understand that we cannot change people or make them show up in a certain way, but we can change how we respond to them. This shift in mindset can lead to healthier relationships, greater self-awareness, and a deeper sense of peace and acceptance in our lives.

So, the next time we find ourselves yearning for control or trying to shape someone else's behavior, let's remember to just "let them." Let go of control, release the burden of trying to change others, and focus on being the best version of ourselves. Letting them be who they are allows you to be who you are meant to be.

For all the girls who know what it’s like to want to control everything, remember that there’s a balance between advocating for yourself and letting go. Next time you feel that pull to influence or shape others, remind yourself of the power in “letting them.” Let go of control, free yourself from the burden of changing others, and focus on being the best version of yourself. Letting them be who they are allows you to find who you are meant to be around.